I dont really know quite how to explain how im feeling right now, I have an underlying feeling of guilt. Ive been getting major mood swings and have been feeling mega emotional. I feel as if I should be over-joyed and beaming with excitement, but the truth is im far from that. I have so many things going through my head right now, im worried im not going to be able to cope with everything.
My life is about to change in a MASSIVE way, our second baby is due in just under 6 weeks and I dont feel ready atall. When we first found out I was pregnant I was shocked but so happy, but now Jaydens going through the tantruming stage and hes into everything, and loves ignoring me, and some days I just feel like I want to curl up in a ball and ignore the world, but as a mum I dont have time to feel sorry for my self and quickly have to shake it off.I wonder how im going to cope with a newborn thrown into the mix?
My partner is working incredibly hard, and even working at the weekends, hes exhausted and I know its hard for him only seeing Jayden for around half hour most days. I feel like Im being selfish, I get to stay at home with our babies and its what ive always wanted to do, so how do I have the right to moan?
Im sure ill get through this 'stage', I know im strong, and its just been a very hard week, so everythings just got to me all at once. Our boilers broken, its freezing and Jayden has to sleep at his nannys every night, which im finding very hard. My grandad was taken to hospital, hes been let out now but they think he may have angina. My grandma passed away a couple of months ago and that hit me hard, and now this, I dont have a large family but we are all very close, I see them 2 or 3 times most weeks, not sure my heart can take losing another grandparent just yet.
Its amazing, how just simply writing down your feelings can feel like a huge wait has been lifted from your shoulders. I feel as if this is the first step to feeling like me again :)